Time and again I have told myself that I am used to this...that I am immune to confusion,that I am immune to sadness and that I am hard enough to handle situations.
What do you ...I mean fundamentally do when you are torn between two things ?If you choose one path , you make yourself happy and if you choose the other...the happiness of your loved ones brings contentment of which there is no comparison.
So here I am confused again. I love my people and I love to see them happy at the thought of having me. I also love to be me and do all those things that my heart desires. For instance there are some things in this world that make me wide-eyed with happiness and excited like a 3 year old child... like 3-D movies, chocolate sundaes , bitter chocolates top the list right now! Sometimes I guess I don't want to be a logical , thinking adult..at some moments I just want to let go and be a child because this is what my heart desires at such moments.
I had a tough few years in my past but there was a silver lining with every problem that came up.And that gives me some sort of re assurance that life does get better , that wounds do heal and that peoples' reactions to similar situations change with time.
I don't wish to wake up one day to a life that I wish I hadn't opted for , to a reality that pricks my conscience , to a life that I had never dreamt of living .
But I am so used to not hurting .I am so used to not disappointing people .Do I have a psychological problem? Or does everyone have a problem in their minds?
I am always trying to hold onto what was...what is...and find myself worrying a lot about about what will be.
No this is not how I had planned my life to be ...this ought to change or else it'll destroy my dreams...my thoughts .
But the beauty of life lies in the fact....that you tend to find bliss where you least expect it and where you most hope for it .
And that helps you fight back with all the odds ...
I think I have found bliss and that has almost made me realize that strength in me .Now I only need to act .
About Me
- Zaibi
- I live in the past and find it hard to let go of it. I believe I am what I am because of what I have lived through.This blog is my tribute to the lives that have touched my soul,the events that changed me ,made me think ,made me laugh and made me cry .I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this.
3 comments:
It looks more like the memoirs of your heart and clearly depicts the crossroad ur life is at.
But I liked the ending with the realization that you only have to act.
One suggestion, if the sides, fail to overweigh the counter ones, just close your eyes and imagine urself with both the options, 10 or may be 20 years down the line.
Whichever option brings a smile to your heart, go with it.
This is the magic of imagination where we have the privillage of travelling in time.
I like the blog and loved the idea given by Loku!!
:-))
Post a Comment