Torn...

Time and again I have told myself that I am used to this...that I am immune to confusion,that I am immune to sadness and that I am hard enough to handle situations.

What do you ...I mean fundamentally do when you are torn between two things ?If you choose one path , you make yourself happy and if you choose the other...the happiness of your loved ones brings contentment of which there is no comparison.

So here I am confused again. I love my people and I love to see them happy at the thought of having me. I also love to be me and do all those things that my heart desires. For instance there are some things in this world that make me wide-eyed with happiness and excited like a 3 year old child... like 3-D movies, chocolate sundaes , bitter chocolates top the list right now! Sometimes I guess I don't want to be a logical , thinking adult..at some moments I just want to let go and be a child because this is what my heart desires at such moments.

I had a tough few years in my past but there was a silver lining with every problem that came up.And that gives me some sort of re assurance that life does get better , that wounds do heal and that peoples' reactions to similar situations change with time.

I don't wish to wake up one day to a life that I wish I hadn't opted for , to a reality that pricks my conscience , to a life that I had never dreamt of living .

But I am so used to not hurting .I am so used to not disappointing people .Do I have a psychological problem? Or does everyone have a problem in their minds?

I am always trying to hold onto what was...what is...and find myself worrying a lot about about what will be.

No this is not how I had planned my life to be ...this ought to change or else it'll destroy my dreams...my thoughts .

But the beauty of life lies in the fact....that you tend to find bliss where you least expect it and where you most hope for it .

And that helps you fight back with all the odds ...

I think I have found bliss and that has almost made me realize that strength in me .Now I only need to act .