All I need is a Miracle

During the last few years , I felt I lost many things .
To begin with , I lost my temper a lot , I lost my sanity quite a lot of times , I lost some friends , lost some relationships ,lost my patience , my calm, my sleep and most of all I lost that feeling, the one that makes you feel that no place on earth is better than home.
Home to me meant not just my bed or my room , it always implied 'things to do' - a drive to see a doctor , a rush to buy groceries , to save money , an effort to not let boredom creep into my parents' lives -order food , buy books to keep them busy , make them exercise, make them feel proud of having me ...yeah that too was always on my 'things to do' list !

And now after all those years of trying to do the above , I do realize at times ,what all I lost .
And to add to that , this world doesn't help one bit.

Having said that I have made some decisions this year and I am happy about some of those but I am still waiting for a miracle to let those materialize into reality.

But this world continues to amaze me .It is perhaps the greatest magical show that I have ever witnessed.

I just hate , detest from the bottom of my heart the indifference that exists in our world, that give and take crap makes me want to run away from this world, the phoney relationships -you share good , masala gossip and you win some friends . Where are the real friends ,where is that real warmth your loved ones used to bring with them?
That too , is lost. Not sure whether that is just me or it has just ceased to exist .

It is already the 1st of December . Some people might be planning how to spend their new year's eve , some might be busy planning their holidays while telling themselves that this is the way to happiness, some might be hoping for a good hike this December...and some like me are losing themselves in all this and more.

I am never sure how to feel when the year is about to close and the next year is about to begin whether to look back at the year gone by or wait for some miracle to happen in the year that is about to begin?

To whoever who reads this post...if you are happy with your lives then I wish you more happiness in the years to come...but if you are unhappy and are waiting for a miracle to happen...then I'd just like to say Good luck for 2008.

Having said all of that , I do have a 'silver lining' and so I declare triumphantly that I am alive.Yep , that is my only l'ight at the end of the tunnel' , atleast for now.

(1st Dec , 2007 , will go in the history of zaibo.blogspot.com as the saddest post ever written.)